I wish I could eat up the space between my head and heart

•September 15, 2009 • Leave a Comment

than maybe I would understand where I am coming from.

Joy is: remembering the things that made you happy in high school

•September 14, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I know who you voted for…

•August 18, 2009 • Leave a Comment

I feel like I need a preface to what I have been thinking about lately.

But nothing seems to fit.
I cannot find proper words… which seems to happen to me more than I would ever like to admit. It is not stupidity. I suppose it is just a general understanding that wise people tend to speak less.

I was watching some kids play in the back ally of my house a couple nights ago. There were six of them… all Spanish-speakers and all about seven years old. The ally was worn and dirty. No grass. Just cars. An urban jungle gym of cement and power cords.

The children did not seem to mind. I suppose you cannot miss something you have never had in the first place. If the space between the apartments was the only space they have ever played in than I guess it really made no difference to them.

They were wild in the best possible way. They ran over cars and threw soccer balls over tall fences. At one point a neighbor came out and started swearing at them for leaning against his car. His complaints fell on deaf ears. They were already on top of the dumpster pulling out an old mattress aka their new homemade trampoline.

I watched them for a long time that night. They fascinated me. More so, they were playing Power Rangers… an all time favorite game of mine. I realized that although I could barely relate to their play area (I was lucky enough to have a backyard growing up) there was still something so familiar about them.

Conclusion: kids are kids no matter what the circumstance. There is something so universal about them. It is why teaching is so exciting to me. Every kid is a chance. Across the board children have a wonderful, new, and exciting potential.

So I come to this conversation today:

“Excuse me, could I talk to your boss for a moment?”

“Sure, of course. She is in the office. I will get her right away.”

–moments–

“Hi, how may I help you?”

“Yes, we have a concern about our child. You see, we noticed there were a lot of inner city kids in the garden today and we wanted to know what you are going to do to make sure that those kids don’t intermix with our children.”

“Excuse me.”

“Well, we just saw a bunch of black children getting out of a bus and we know that they are from the city. We do not think that you should just allow anyone into the garden. We used to live in the inner city and we know what these kids are like and we do not want our children coming into contact with them. They aren’t savvey enough to deal with it.”

“I understand your concern for your child’s safety but I must tell you that this is a public garden and we do not bar anyone from coming in based on where they are from.”

“Well, if I had known that these kids were going to be here than I would have pulled my kids out of camp. I am sure there are other parents here who have the same concern. We are just willing to say something! You should really let all the parents know if there is going to be children outside of the suburbs coming in.”

I was angry. I thought of choice words to say to this horrible woman. But then I just felt sad. Human beings are so sad to me sometimes.

Within two days I have felt conflicted and fascinated with subtle differences between the simplicity of a child’s mind and an adult’s mind. It seems so backwards… that a child could be so complex and beautiful and a parent so simple and ugly.

And yet, I know many many reasons why so much of what I just said is also a gross stereotype.

All this to say, human beings are interesting. I mean that with so much sincerety. We are wonderfully made controdictions.

Pun Intended

•August 13, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time,which produced an  impressive set of calluses on his feet.

He  also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet,
he suffered from bad  breath.

This made him:

A super-calloused fragile  mystic hexed by halitosis.

teeheehee

Off into the east!

•August 6, 2009 • Leave a Comment

Ready for some good wedding fun. This might be the craziest weekend of the summer.

Send me love and I will blow you some kisses!

#1 hope: to put my feet in the Atlantic!

Things I Have Done And Do Not Feel Guilty About

•August 1, 2009 • 1 Comment

1. splurged on Victoria Secret P.J.’s

2. read a Meg Cabot book in one sitting

3. went into Sephora with the direct intention of spraying myself with my favorite bottle of perfume

4. wore my beautiful silver Nine West heels around the kitchen because they make my butt look good

5. downloaded “Forever” by Chris Brown

6. ate pasta leftovers for breakfast

7. slept naked

8. drank red wine before bed

9. got rid of all the shirts I still own from high school

10. have put on my “To Do” list “find place to order decent Chinese take-out.” I will consider moving out of Albany Park if the search is a bust. I’ll keep you posted.

I Found Out Who I Am When I Am Angry

•July 24, 2009 • 2 Comments

and it is one f@#%ed up version of Martha Stewart.

I walked outside today to find that my car had been broken into and my radio had been lifted.

The janitors outside were kind enough to tell me that my window had been punched in.

Thanks, like the broken dash wasn’t any indicator that something was amiss.

Glass all over the street in front of the school. I was starting to feel dejected and sorry for myself when I realized that I had done nothing wrong. I had parked MY car in front of MY house. It was locked and not anyone else’s to touch without my permission.

For the first time in a long time I was feeling rage boil beneth the surface of my skin.

It was not the broken glass.

It was not my missing car radio.

It was not the crotchy police woman who took my report.

It was the fact that someone had touched something of mine without asking.

Someone had broken something important to me.

Someone, whom I would probably not associate with in public, had sat in the front seat of my car and touched all my privacy.

This will not do.

I ran into my house and grabbed all my cleaning supplies. I pulled out everything in my car, washed the seat, took out all the mats, cleaned the dashboard and taped it back together. I could not stop cleaning and by the time I got into my house I had just barely scratched the surface of my anger. I tacked the bathroom. I sorted out all my toiletries. I bleached the tub, the sink, and the tile walls.

It was like I was giving this person a personal message.

In effect, there are certain things and people I care about. I need to take better care of them and up until now, I did not realize how much it would bother me if they were taken away or somehow altered.

But fuck you if you think I am going to sit around and watch you take things away from me without a fight.

I hope you enjoy my car radio.

K