Christmas Cheer: Found

drink dispenserI woke up this morning to my mom calling my name from the kitchen, which, if you know anything about the layout of my house, is quite the vocal feat. Ah yes, Christmas Eve! And much to my delight we are having our family over today. (I really do mean that too, I love my family… all twenty of them)

My mom, being the really wonderful hostess she is, was “in the zone.” Who knows how early she woke up but I will comment on the fact that when I walked into the kitchen there was a huge glass drink dispenser that I am sure we didn’t own the night before (see Fig 1.)

She had already been shopping.

Fig. 1: Drink Dispenser

I stumbled in looking for caffeine and was gladly met with a cup of cinnamon flavored coffee.

I was waiting for a list of chores.

There is always a list.

And considering that my sister was fully dressed and had woken up with my mother at an ungodly hour (she really is the patron saint of younger siblings) I was willing to do anything… well, after three or four sips of coffee.

One of my greatest accomplishments this winter break was learning how to use the snow blower (see Fig 2.)snow blower

Mainly because:

a.     I cannot walk in a straight line

b.     I break everything I touch

c.      Most people are frightened when they see me behind a piece of heavy machinery.

Either way, I conquered and so my job this morning was to snow blow the driveway.

Fig. 2: Snow Blower

Excellent. I put on my winter clothes, hooked up my music, and I was out in the cold winter air within the next ten minutes. I crank the on switch, push in the button thingy, pull up the level, jerk the rope, and move something called the choke and voila!

Except, no.  Two seconds later the air started to fill with smoke and the engine stopped. If you question why this happened please refer to point “b” on the above list. True to scientific method I push and turned anything it could possibly be and then reminded myself that if I accidently put my hand somewhere I shouldn’t that I was going to go to the ER and I would be the family member who got made fun of for Christmases to come.

So, I decided to kick it old school (see Fig 3.) About 45 minutes in I had shoveled the path. I was sweaty and…highly attractive. All the sudden I hear my neighbor call over. “I have my snow blower right here! Do you want to use it?”


I swear, there really is a God.

“Yes!” I called and walked over to his house. Excuse my rant for a moment but DEAR GOD WHAT A HUGE FREAKING SNOWBLOWER! This thing had toggles and gears, and buttons, and valves, and WHO THE HELL KNEW HOW TO PUT IT IN REVERSE. It was a tank. Seriously. If Germany had had these circa their campaign in Russia a hostile take over of Moscow would have been inevitable. I walked the Nazi tank over to my driveway and tried my best to look confident. If I look like I know what I am doing… maybe it will just happen naturally.

Fig. 3: Kicking it Old School

Not the case.

I looked dumb.

And little did I know but you have to shift to go in reverse. You know, instead of walking backwards. At this point my neighbor is back in my driveway I think trying to hold back laughter. If I were in his position I would have watched for at least 10 more minutes because you cannot buy better entertainment on On Demand. Finally he took the snow blower/Nazi assault vehicle and finished my driveway for me. It was truly the kindest thing I have experienced in a long time.

Not only did he finish my driveway but he snowplowed a couple other houses on our street as well.

Sentiments: I finally felt like it was Christmas. Thanks Mr. Miller. 


~ by kmconrad on December 24, 2008.

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